As a dating coach, the most pervasive problem I get from my students is Quiet Guy Syndrome. Sometimes we’ll meet at a restaurant, and I’ll try to get to know them:
“What’s your name?”
“I can’t hear you.”
If I can’t even hear you across the dinner table, how do you expect a girl to hear you when you’re trying to meet her for the first time?
Most of the time, I find that girls aren’t rejecting my students for what they are saying, they’re rejecting them because they can’t hear what they are saying.
And even if she can hear you, if she’s losing interest in what you’re saying, most likely it’s not just what you’re saying, it’s how you’re saying it. And when a girl can’t hear you, she’s automatically placing you in the “undateable” category because you’re signalling to her that you’re insecure, even if you’re not.
A loud voice, on the other hand, demonstrates to people that you believe that the things you say deserve to be heard. With a loud voice, you’ll be more attractive to women and command more respect in the boardroom.
Thus, if you’re able to develop a loud and charismatic voice, you’ll become magnetic.
How to Start Developing Charisma & Succeed At Life
So the next question is, how do you develop such a voice?
When it comes to vocal sub-communication, there are two fundamental variables you can change: volume and intonation. And the key to charisma is variety. Let me explain.
First of all, you need to make sure that your voice is loud enough to be audible in any environment.
Secondly, you need to add variety to be interesting to listen to. You need to vary your volume as well as your intonation to keep the listener engaged.
Think about people who are good speakers.
Gary Vaynerchuk speaks loudly, but he also speaks softly when he emphasizes a point. He speaks with a high pitch when emphasizing certain ideas and with a low pitch when delivering others. Variety is the single most important factor when cultivating a charismatic voice.
What are some practical ways you can improve your volume and tonality?
1. Talk Into a Camera
Open up Photobooth, hit record, and just talk about your day. Unless you’ve recorded vlogs or have past acting experiences, chances are that you’ll be highly disappointed and self-conscious about the way you present yourself.
Just think: would you want to talk to the person you just recorded?
Awareness is the first step. Practice talking into the camera on a daily basis and watch yourself become more confident and charismatic over time.
2. Take Voice Lessons
If you’re straining when you increase your volume, it’s probably because you’re using the incorrect muscles. I started taking singing lessons when I became a nightclub promoter because people were struggling to hear me, and my voice was shot every night.
However, when my voice teacher told me that I was using too much chest in my speaking voice, I made the adjustment and can talk twice as loudly with half as much effort.
Voice lessons also allow you to develop a wider range of pitches and notes. Studies show that the more range a speaker has, the more engaging he or she is. Thus, you’ll have more vocal control and a greater spectrum of tonalities to choose from.
3. Have Confidence In Your Ideas
If you’re too concerned about the way the things you say will be received, you’re going to be too in your head to be fully expressive.
As a result, your throat will constrict, your solar-plexus will tense, and people won’t be able to hear you. People who believe that their ideas are worthy of being heard will naturally say them loudly and expressively.
4. Take Improv Classes
If you take improv, you’ll learn to think on your feet more quickly. You won’t have too much time to think and censor yourself, so you’ll be more comfortable speaking spontaneously.
Thus, when you’re talking to people, you’ll always feel like you’ll be one step ahead in the conversation, which will allow you to develop confidence in what you say.
5. Heal Your Throat Chakra
Throat chakra, or fifth chakra, governs how expressive and honest your communication is with others. When your throat chakra is blocked, you have a hard time communicating openly with others, and you will usually feel a lump in your throat.
You can heal your throat chakra through healing oils, yoga poses, and vocal exercises.
Common healing oils for the throat chakra are lavender, sage, peppermint, and eucalyptus. This is why peppermint and eucalyptus are often used for cough drops and throat lozenges.
A few yoga poses that increase energy flow to the throat chakra are lion pose, fish pose, and plow pose. You can go to yoga.com to find instructions on how to do each of these.
Screaming, laughing, and crying are all ways to open up the throat chakra.
Notice how when emotion overtakes your logical mind, you are unstifled.
When someone makes you laugh hysterically, you can’t control the volume of your laughter. If you’re overcome with sorrow, you can’t control the volume of your sobs. When you’re angry, you can’t control the volume of your screams.
That’s because when you’re mind stops filtering your emotions, your true expression comes to the surface and the throat chakra is unblocked.
Overall, your voice is one of the most underrated assets in life. I’ve seen some guys who have improved their vocal power and range, and girls now gravitate towards them because they find it sexy. I’m not even exaggerating. Moreover, these guys command more respect among other men as well.
So if you think you could use a voice makeover, take these recommendations to heart, and get a sexy, powerful voice!