A modern man’s life is sometimes described as but a combination of transitory attachments and meaningless pursuits.
For example, instead of focusing on how to create long-lasting relationships, he will be more interested in casual relationships with partners whom he’d break up after a week or two.
No wonder most relationships today are shallow and extremely fragile – or BOTH. The thing is: we all yearn for connection in our lives.
Connecting with other people allows us to share parts of our selves – parts that we’ve sometimes hidden or forgotten deep under our fears and insecurities.
What most people don’t know is that when we let go of these fears, when we learn to trust other people and share ourselves down to every last fragment of our souls – this is when we’ll find love and true connection.
5 Reasons Why You Can’t Establish Genuine Connections
However, today, finding great friendships or long lasting romantic relationships is rare. People mingle, and talk to each other but don’t form connection.
We meet strangers, we get amused by their stories, and then we leave it at that.
We don’t form bonds; we miss out on great people in our lives because we don’t know how to connect.
Why is it so hard to establish genuine connection in the first place?
Here are 5 reasons why you struggle to establish genuine connections with people:
1. You’re Not Connected With Your True Authentic Self
The most important attachment we have to build through life is the one which involves ourselves. Before we try connecting with other people, we first have to accept ourselves for all our flaws, insecurities, and failures.
We have to learn to love the person we see in the mirror every day.
Most people fail at connecting because they think that they are broken and damaged beyond repair. They believe they don’t deserve people in their lives because they are “this” and “that”.
These are the people who haven’t experienced love and emotional connection growing up. When we experience these healthy emotions we will feel worthy of love and friendship.
Here are simple ways to improve your connection with yourself:
- Notice your feelings and why you feel sad, angry, or happy when in a situation.
- Make time for solo activities that you enjoy once in a while.
- Be more compassionate – with yourself. Forgive and forget mistakes.
- Keep a journal and keep track of what’s happening on your life. You’ll be shocked at how much progress you’ve made.
2. You’re Always Focusing on the Negative
Sometimes to be able to connect, all we need is a little attitude change. Try to think how you behave with other people, and how they behave when they’re with you. Often times, we see ourselves as the victim. We focus on the negative and fail to see the good things.
If we shift our perspectives and maybe change our interpretations of the situation, we would see how sometimes horrible experiences are not so horrible. That sometimes things were really just an honest mistake.
These simple attitude changes can create ripples of big changes that lead to transformation. Soon you’ll know how to connect with people – and have truer longer and lasting relationships.
3. You Never Listen
Are you really listening to your friends when they talk to you?
Or are you formulating your response as they speak?
Listening involves understanding the feelings of the person you’re talking to. It’s how you relate with the person. Everyone likes to be listened to; we all want someone to listen to our woes and joyful moments from time to time.
Listening is one way of forming connection and deep relationships. Great conversations allow both parties open dialogue, exchange of ideas, and respect when the other expresses different opinion.
When you have mindful and better conversations with someone, you build trust that lasts for years to come.
4. You’re Always With People Who Treat You Like Sh*t
Choose to form connections with people who will make you happy.
Don’t stay or even waste a minute of your life being with friends or partners who treat you wrong. Detach from people who don’t value your worth as a person. Learn to love yourself enough to believe that you deserve a better kind of love and friendship.
Everything begins and ends with your decision. You must acknowledge that you have all the free will to stay or detach from a relationship that don’t serve you good emotionally and mentally.
5. You’re Too Busy With ‘Other’ Things
We all have 24 hours in a day, if we spend just a few hours of our time connecting with people, we’d have better chances of having deeper and meaningful relationships.
According to Amanda Gore of The Joy Project:
“Connection to someone or something is a vital life force, a source of great energy, vitality, comfort and peace.”
It’s as important as food for our survival. Without it, we’d be missing a huge part in our existence. We’d be making ourselves easy targets for depression and misery.
Think about it. When was the last time you’ve had a meaningful conversation with your partner or your friend?
If it was months, or worse years ago, then you’re not making enough time for connection.
A quick recap on the 5 reasons why you can’t establish new connections in life:
- You’re not connected with your true authentic self
- You’re always focusing on the negative
- You never listen
- You’re always with people who treat you like s**t
- You’re too busy with ‘other’ things
Life is too short to live only for ourselves.
We can only survive when we nurture and grow connections with each other. Connections that cultivate love, friendship and trust are genuine source of happiness which you can’t find on meaningless pursuits like money, fame, and status.