5 Reasons Why You Can’t Establish Genuine Connections

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A modern man’s life is sometimes described as but a combination of transitory attachments and meaningless pursuits.

For example, instead of focusing on how to create long-lasting relationships, he will be more interested in casual relationships with partners whom he’d break up after a week or two.

No wonder most relationships today are shallow and extremely fragile – or BOTH. The thing is: we all yearn for connection in our lives.

Connecting with other people allows us to share parts of our selves – parts that we’ve sometimes hidden or forgotten deep under our fears and insecurities.

What most people don’t know is that when we let go of these fears, when we learn to trust other people and share ourselves down to every last fragment of our souls – this is when we’ll find love and true connection.


5 Reasons Why You Can’t Establish Genuine Connections

However, today, finding great friendships or long lasting romantic relationships is rare. People mingle, and talk to each other but don’t form connection.

We meet strangers, we get amused by their stories, and then we leave it at that.

We don’t form bonds; we miss out on great people in our lives because we don’t know how to connect.

Why is it so hard to establish genuine connection in the first place?

Here are 5 reasons why you struggle to establish genuine connections with people:


1. You’re Not Connected With Your True Authentic Self

The most important attachment we have to build through life is the one which involves ourselves. Before we try connecting with other people, we first have to accept ourselves for all our flaws, insecurities, and failures.

We have to learn to love the person we see in the mirror every day.

Most people fail at connecting because they think that they are broken and damaged beyond repair. They believe they don’t deserve people in their lives because they are “this” and “that”.

These are the people who haven’t experienced love and emotional connection growing up. When we experience these healthy emotions we will feel worthy of love and friendship.

Here are simple ways to improve your connection with yourself:

  • Notice your feelings and why you feel sad, angry, or happy when in a situation.
  • Make time for solo activities that you enjoy once in a while.
  • Be more compassionate – with yourself. Forgive and forget mistakes.
  • Keep a journal and keep track of what’s happening on your life. You’ll be shocked at how much progress you’ve made.


2. You’re Always Focusing on the Negative

Sometimes to be able to connect, all we need is a little attitude change. Try to think how you behave with other people, and how they behave when they’re with you. Often times, we see ourselves as the victim. We focus on the negative and fail to see the good things.

If we shift our perspectives and maybe change our interpretations of the situation, we would see how sometimes horrible experiences are not so horrible. That sometimes things were really just an honest mistake.

These simple attitude changes can create ripples of big changes that lead to transformation. Soon you’ll know how to connect with people – and have truer longer and lasting relationships.


3. You Never Listen

Are you really listening to your friends when they talk to you?

Or are you formulating your response as they speak?

Listening involves understanding the feelings of the person you’re talking to. It’s how you relate with the person. Everyone likes to be listened to; we all want someone to listen to our woes and joyful moments from time to time.

Listening is one way of forming connection and deep relationships. Great conversations allow both parties open dialogue, exchange of ideas, and respect when the other expresses different opinion.

When you have mindful and better conversations with someone, you build trust that lasts for years to come.


4. You’re Always With People Who Treat You Like Sh*t

Choose to form connections with people who will make you happy.

Don’t stay or even waste a minute of your life being with friends or partners who treat you wrong. Detach from people who don’t value your worth as a person. Learn to love yourself enough to believe that you deserve a better kind of love and friendship.

Everything begins and ends with your decision. You must acknowledge that you have all the free will to stay or detach from a relationship that don’t serve you good emotionally and mentally.


5. You’re Too Busy With ‘Other’ Things

We all have 24 hours in a day, if we spend just a few hours of our time connecting with people, we’d have better chances of having deeper and meaningful relationships.

According to Amanda Gore of The Joy Project:

“Connection to someone or something is a vital life force, a source of great energy, vitality, comfort and peace.”

It’s as important as food for our survival. Without it, we’d be missing a huge part in our existence. We’d be making ourselves easy targets for depression and misery.

Think about it. When was the last time you’ve had a meaningful conversation with your partner or your friend?

If it was months, or worse years ago, then you’re not making enough time for connection.


Final Thoughts

A quick recap on the 5 reasons why you can’t establish new connections in life:

  1. You’re not connected with your true authentic self
  2. You’re always focusing on the negative
  3. You never listen
  4. You’re always with people who treat you like s**t
  5. You’re too busy with ‘other’ things

Life is too short to live only for ourselves.

We can only survive when we nurture and grow connections with each other. Connections that cultivate love, friendship and trust are genuine source of happiness which you can’t find on meaningless pursuits like money, fame, and status.

Do you struggle to establish genuine connections with people? Leave a comment below.

Armela Escalona
Armela Escalona
Armela is a blogger and freelance writer whose passions include pizza, poetry, and cats. She likes to photograph trees, play scrabble, and watch history documentaries. Follow her on Twitter.


  1. Yes I do struggle. I want to know the joy of friendships . I even struggle with being intimate with my husband. He is always very patient with me and I want to desire closeness but it just isn’t easy for me. Yes, exhausting life struggle for me.

  2. I try to have deep meaningful conversations with my spouse but we rarely do because the focus get switched to them. I would also like friends to hangout with desperately. It’s hard because everyone gravitates towards my spouse (male and female) and I just get lost in the shadows. I just want a friend to hang and chat with.

  3. I definitely struggle with making connections. I can’t get past number 1: connecting with my “true and authentic self.” I believe that I accept my flaws, insecurities, and failures, by which I mean that I acknowledge that they are true. But I’m never going to like it. We don’t control what we like and dislike.

    Think of it like this: Imagine that you were an elementary school student and there was a party in your class. Everyone gets a bowl of ice cream, either vanilla or chocolate. You don’t particularly care for vanilla, but by the time it is your turn there is no chocolate left so you settle for a bowl of vanilla anyway. In this scenario you have ACCEPTED that you get vanilla, but that doesn’t mean you LIKE it. This is how I feel about myself. I know what I am and it is not who I want to be. But I can’t be who I want to be because it is just not physically possible. So I accept what I am because there is no other choice. But I don’t like it. I’ll never like it. I loathe the person I see in the mirror every day and wish it wasn’t me. I don’t think anything will change that. If you don’t like vanilla you don’t like vanilla.


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