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45 Hilarious & Light-Hearted Dave Attell Quotes

Zisilia Alvsa

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Dave Attell Quotes

Which are your favorite Dave Attell quotes?

Dave Attell is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer.

He is most recognized for hosting the widely celebrated TV show ‘Insomniac with Dave Attell‘, which gained him a cult-like passionate fanbase.

Throughout his career as a comedian, Attell has earned respect and admiration of many renowned comics, including ‘Patton Oswalt’ and ‘Bill Burr.’

Attell has made notable appearances in popular TV series such as ‘Arrested Development,’ ‘Funny People’, and ‘Trainwreck’.

In addition to his many successes, Attell has also written episodes for the NBC’s Emmy Award-winning late-night comedy show ‘Saturday Night Live’ and ‘The Jon Stewart Show’ as well.

Here’s a collection of the best Dave Attell quotes:

 

45 Hilarious & Light-Hearted Dave Attell Quotes

1. “I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.” – Dave Attell

2. “Let’s say you’re in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don’t know, you have too many teeth.” – Dave Attell

3. “Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Pre-mature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.” – Dave Attell

4. “Remember when you’re young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he’s just a drunk who wears a cape.” – Dave Attell

5. “Once you get offstage you’re just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.” – Dave Attell

6. “So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.” – Dave Attell

7. “I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they’re, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.” – Dave Attell

8. “Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.” – Dave Attell

9. “Here’s a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there’s someone right behind you.” – Dave Attell

 

10th of 50 Dave Attell Quotes

10. “I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again but with my ears.” – Dave Attell

 

11. “Don’t get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.” – Dave Attell

12. “I’m not a movie guy, I’m not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.” – Dave Attell

13. “What’s the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.” – Dave Attell

14. “I never wanted to be famous.” – Dave Attell

15. “Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don’t you? ‘Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!’” – Dave Attell

16. “This one guy, the worse guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician and doesn’t do magic, I don’t like. I don’t even like magic, I hate it. But I love the word, “Ta-da”! I love that word! I don’t get to say it, right? I never do any magic. You just cant go around walking, “Ta-da!” “Ta-da!” “Ta-da!” The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising. Like if I go out all night drinking and hitting strip clubs and I come home and I still got some money …. “Ta–da!” I thought I was broke. Why does my jaw hurt?” – Dave Attell

17. “For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don’t know what happened to them. That’s the crowd that I like, the ones that don’t get so offended just to be offended.” – Dave Attell

18. “I get recognized, but I’m not really a famous famous.” – Dave Attell

19. “When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.” – Dave Attell

 

20th of 50 Dave Attell Quotes

20. “I’m a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it’s what I’ve been doing and it’s what I’m going to keep doing.” – Dave Attell

 

21. “I’m not like a performer type.” – Dave Attell

22. “My gym has two-pound weights. If you’re using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What’s your dream? To pump up and open your mail?” – Dave Attell

23. “I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.” – Dave Attell

24. “You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?” – Dave Attell

25. “Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I’ll tell you why: it’s cuz of that one sick man, and it’s up to me and a half-mexican to stop him.” – Dave Attell

26. “I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show.” – Dave Attell

27. “Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.” – Dave Attell

28. “You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance…..the day has begun.” – Dave Attell

29. “There’s a late-night scene in every town, and everyone has something going on, … I’ve heard good stories about (Syracuse); this is a very good party town, a good drinking place. I definitely would like to come back and check it out further. Do some more research, as I call it.” – Dave Attell

 

30th of 50 Dave Attell Quotes

30. “My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.” – Dave Attell

 

31. “I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.” – Dave Attell

32. “I love Fear Factor, but I think they’re running out of fears. It’s only a matter of time before they’re sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.” – Dave Attell

33. “Everyone was laughin’. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.” – Dave Attell

34. “I’m not really a music guy.” – Dave Attell

35. “If I had a kid, I’d give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I’d call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.” – Dave Attell

36. “I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I’ve discovered? I need a girlfriend.” – Dave Attell

37. “Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people ‘the cops.’ But you know, sometimes, you’ve just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!” – Dave Attell

38. “A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that’s about it.” – Dave Attell

39. “The more Discovery Channel you watch, the less chance you have of ever meeting a woman. Because it fills your head with odd facts that can come out at any moment. Hello. Did you know Hitler was ticklish? That sea otters have four nipples? Wait – don’t run away!” – Dave Attell

 

40th of 50 Dave Attell Quotes

40. “I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what’s going on.” – Dave Attell

 

41. “I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.” – Dave Attell

42. “You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they’re both on fire – they’re exactly alike.” – Dave Attell

43. “I’m very romantic when I masturbate. Sometimes I light a candle…then I try and shoot it out. It’s like a carnival.” – Dave Attell

44. “I have no grand scheme.” – Dave Attell

45. “Even now, as we speak, people are having sex with animals. And we wonder why the animals attack us.” – Dave Attell

 

Summary

Thanks for checking out this collection of quotes from Dave Attell! Don’t forget to share them on social media with your friends and family.

 

Which are your favorite Dave Attell quotes? Leave a comment below.

Zisilia Alvsa is a writer for Wealthy Gorilla. Friends often call her Zii. She is a girl from Jakarta, Indonesia who currently lives in Bali. Zii loves photography and travelling.

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Athlete Quotes

43 Motivational Peyton Manning Quotes

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The Best Peyton Manning Quotes

Peyton Manning, now 40 years old, was a professional American football player. He played as a star quarterback in the NFL for 18 seasons.

He is considered to have been one of the best quarterbacks of all time, originally playing for the Indianapolis Colts, and finishing the last four season of his career playing for the Denver Broncos.

Check out our collection of the most motivational Peyton Manning quotes:

 

43 Motivational Peyton Manning Quotes

1. “I have to leave the games now if the announcer says something I don’t agree with. I’m thinking, ‘Peyton, it is not healthy to be all worked up before a game.'” – Peyton Manning

2. “Anyone who waits for someone else to make a change automatically becomes a follower.” – Peyton Manning

3. “Everybody is going to be excited to play in a Super Bowl. When you still enjoy the preparation and the work part of it, I think you ought to be still doing that. I think as soon as I stop enjoying it, if I can’t produce, if I can’t help a team, that’s when I will stop playing.” Peyton Manning

4. “I have to leave the games now if the announcer says something I don’t agree with. I’m thinking, ‘Peyton, it is not healthy to be all worked up before a game.’” – Peyton Manning

5. “I want to be out there every single snap, every single play.” – Peyton Manning

6. “I’m not 23 anymore. But the defensive ends and linebackers chasing me are. If I had to chose between youth and experience, I’d take experience every time.” – Peyton Manning

7. “I’m very humbled and I’m very honored. I certainly think about how grateful I am for all the teammates and coached that I’ve played with and played for throughout my career.” – Peyton Manning

8. “I’ve never left the field saying, ‘I could’ve done more to get ready,’ and that gives me peace of mind.” – Peyton Manning

9. “Imitation is obviously a great form of flattery.” – Peyton Manning

10. “It’s not wanting to win that makes you a winner; it’s refusing to fail.” – Peyton Manning

11. “My dad was a class person on and off the field. That’s the person I want to be.” – Peyton Manning

 

12th of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

Peyton Manning Picture Quote 1

12. “Pressure is something you feel when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.” – Peyton Manning

13. “Some people have this impression of me: ‘Boy, he’s always so serious on the field. Football. Football. Football.’” – Peyton Manning

14. “When you go through a significant injury and have a major career change, you truly do go one year at a time, and you don’t look past what’s going on now, because you are not sure what’s going to happen. Tomorrow is not promised.” – Peyton Manning

15. “You’ve got to remember what your priorities are. When you’re playing, what you do on the field is the most important thing.“ – Peyton Manning

16. “My high-school coach Tony Reginelli was kind of famous for ‘Reggie-isms,’ kind of like ‘Yogi-isms.’ He always said if you want to be a good quarterback, when sprinting left you want to be amphibious and throw left-handed. I told him, ‘You mean ambidextrous, coach?'” – Peyton Manning

17. “Being there every week for my teammates is really important to me. It’s all about accountability. I hear stuff about the ‘toughest quarterback in the league’ and all that; what’s that mean?” – Peyton Manning

18. “I don’t want to retire. I still want to play.” – Peyton Manning

19. “I pray every night, sometimes long prayers about a lot of things and a lot of people, but I don’t talk about it or brag about it because that’s between God and me, and I’m no better than anybody else in God’s sight.” – Peyton Manning

20. “I was never on a mission to be an NFL quarterback. I wanted to be a good high school player, and I worked hard at that. That made me good enough to play in college and then I wanted to be a good college quarterback. During college I played well enough to make it into the NFL. I never took it for granted and really wanted to play hard at each level and I have always had a lot of fun doing what I wanted to do.” – Peyton Manning

21. “I’m proud to be Archie’s son. Being a quarterback, I had my mentor and hero living in the same house.” – Peyton Manning

22. “I’ve been a Colt for almost all of my adult life, but I guess in life, and in sports, we all know nothing lasts forever. Times change, circumstances change, and that’s the reality of playing in the NFL.” – Peyton Manning

 

23rd of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

“If nothing else in life, I want to be true to the things I believe in, and quite simply, to what I’m all about. I know I’d better, because it seems whenever I take a false step or two I feel the consequences.” – Peyton Manning

 

24. “It goes without saying, winning against a good team in a hostile crowd on the road, it’s just an absolutely huge win.” – Peyton Manning

25. “Life is about choices. You ask the questions and you listen to the answers. Then you listen to your heart.” – Peyton Manning

26. “My faith doesn’t make me perfect, it makes me forgiven.” – Peyton Manning

27. “Remind your critics when they say you don’t have the expertise or experience to do something that an amateur built the ark and the experts built the titanic.” – Peyton Manning

 

28th of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

Peyton Manning Picture Quote 2

28. “We’ve been working a long time for this and we want to accomplish our ultimate goal. We know what it takes.” – Peyton Manning

29. “When you take a year off from football, you come back for all the enjoyable moments. When you’re not playing, you miss out on all the highs, but you also miss these disappointments. But I would rather be in the arena to be excited or be disappointed than not have a chance at all. That’s football. That’s why everybody plays it.” – Peyton Manning

30. “The head coach tells us what to do, and we follow his orders.” – Peyton Manning

31. “Boy, do I hate to lose.” – Peyton Manning

32. “I guess, to tell you the truth, I’ve never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I’ve managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache.” – Peyton Manning

33. “I think I could describe the perfect quarterback. Take a little piece of everybody. Take John Elway’s arm, Dan Marino’s release, maybe Troy Aikman’s drop-back, Brett Favre’s scrambling ability, Joe Montana’s two-minute poise and, naturally, my speed.” – Peyton Manning

34. “I would like to think I will be a guy who knows when it’s time to stop. I don’t want to be a guy who hung on and on. I do not have a goal in mind of a year or a statistic.” – Peyton Manning

35. “I’m the best manning.” – Peyton Manning

36. “I’ve been being asked about my legacy since I was about 25 years old. I’m not sure you can have a legacy when you’re 25 years old. Even 37. I’d like to have to be, like, 70 to have a legacy. I’m not even 100 percent sure what the word even means.” – Peyton Manning

37. “If you work hard and you play well, all those critics quiet themselves pretty quickly.” – Peyton Manning

 

38th of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it.” – Peyton Manning

 

39. “My dad told us up front, ‘Guys, if you want to play sports, go ahead, but it’s your decision.’” – Peyton Manning

40. “My job is to play well offensively and help my team score points. So I feel very responsible every time we lose a game.” – Peyton Manning

41. “Some guys leave a place after a long time, and they’re bitter. Not me.” – Peyton Manning

42. “When people are watching you, it makes you think twice about what you do, and the things you say, and the people you hang around with.” – Peyton Manning

43. “You hear about how many fourth quarter comebacks that a guy has and I think it means a guy screwed up in the first three quarters.” – Peyton Manning

 

Peyton Manning Motivational Video

Check out our other NFL quotes on Tom Brady and Marshawn Lynch!

Which are your favourite Peyton Manning quotes? Leave a comment below.

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Actor Quotes

25 Inspirational Robert De Niro Quotes

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The Best Robert De Niro Quotes

Robert De Niro is an American/Italian actor and producer;

At 73 years old, he’s had an incredibly successful career, and starred in a ridiculous number of films. Far too many to list, but here’s a few of the highlights:

  • The Godfather Part II
  • Silver Linings
  • Analyze This
  • The Intern
  • Casino
  • Meet the Fockers
  • Goodfellas
  • Grudge Match

We’ve put together this small, yet inspirational collection of the best Robert De Niro quotes:

 

25 Inspirational Robert De Niro Quotes

1. “You learned the two greatest thing in life, never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut.” – Robert De Niro

2. “The talent is in the choices.” – Robert De Niro

3. “One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people’s lives without having to pay the price.” – Robert De Niro

4. “You’ll have time to rest when you’re dead.” – Robert De Niro

5. “I love to find new people. It’s not for the sake of their being new; it’s because if you find someone who perfectly fits a part, that’s such a great thing.” – Robert De Niro

6. “It’s important not to indicate. People don’t try to show their feelings, they try to hide them.” – Robert De Niro

7. “Time goes on. So whatever you’re going to do, do it. Do it now. Don’t wait.” – Robert De Niro

8. “Money makes your life easier. If you’re lucky to have it, you’re lucky.” – Robert De Niro

9. “The hardest thing about being famous is that people are always nice to you.” – Robert De Niro

 

10th of 25 Robert De Niro Quotes

“There’s nothing more ironic or contradictory than life itself.” – Robert De Niro

 

11. “I didn’t have a problem with rejection, because when you go into an audition, you’re rejected already. There are hundreds of other actors. You’re behind the eight ball when you go in there.” – Robert De Niro

12. “In acting, I always try to go back to what would actually be the real situation, the real human behavior in life.” – Robert De Niro

13. “I think it’s important to have had at least a few years of obscurity, where people treat you like everybody else.” – Robert De Niro

14. “I don’t like to watch my own movies – I fall asleep in my own movies.” – Robert De Niro

15. “I don’t get into these long-winded heavy discussions about character – do we do this or that or what. At the end of the day, what you gotta do is just go out there and do it.” – Robert De Niro

16. “With ‘Silver Linings,’ I didn’t feel – I was thinking of certain things, but I just said, ‘Let me go with it.’ You have to know what you’re doing, where you’re going with the scenes, and I put a lot of work into that. But when you’re out there, at the same time you gotta be ready for anything.” – Robert De Niro

 

17th of 25 Robert De Niro Quotes

17. “Don’t be afraid to do what your instincts tell you.” – Robert De Niro

 

18. “You discovered a talent, developed an ambition and recognized your passion. When you feel that, you can’t fight it — you just go with it.” – Robert De Niro

19. “Life rarely changes you totally but it consistently changes you in details.” – Robert De Niro

20. “I don’t feel pressure. I like if anybody has interest in what I have to say, especially if they’re younger. If they like me, respect me, I’m honoured and I’ll give them my opinion.” – Robert De Niro

21. “I am also not one for regrets. I don’t regret any film I’ve made, because there was a reason for making it at the time. If it hasn’t worked out, then don’t spend time worrying about why and how. Just move on to the next project.” – Robert De Niro

22. “Being able to battle it out. No matter how you do it, you gotta hold your ground at times. Other times you’ve got to compromise. But never a compromise that you can’t live with.” – Robert De Niro

23. “If it’s the right chair, it doesn’t take too long to get comfortable in it.” – Robert De Niro

24. “Rejection might sting, but my feeling is that often, it has very little to do with you.” – Robert De Niro

25. “You’re not responsible for the entire job, but your part in it… You will put your everything into everything you do.” – Robert De Niro

 

Summary

Thanks for checking out this collection of quotes from Robert De Niro!

Which are your favorite Robert De Niro quotes? Leave a comment below.

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Athlete Quotes

25 Motivational Stephen Curry Quotes About Success

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The Best Stephen Curry Quotes

Stephen Curry is a professional NBA player, currently playing as Point Guard for the Golden State Warriors. He’s considered to be one of the best shooters in NBA history.

Curry won the MVP (Most Valuable Player) award in 2015, and has won a number of other awards proving how successful he’s becoming at his sport.

If you’re a fan of motivational videos, do a quick search in YouTube for Stephen Curry motivation”, and you’ll see some awesome stuff.

This article is dedicated to the most motivational Stephen Curry quotes on basketball and success:

 

25 Motivational Stephen Curry Quotes

1. “I’ve never been afraid of big moments. I get butterflies… I get nervous and anxious, but I think those are all good signs that I’m ready for the moment.” – Stephen Curry

2. “I want to practice to the point where it’s almost uncomfortable how fast you shoot, so that in the game things kind of slow down.” – Stephen Curry

3. “Make sure you live in the moment and work your butt off every single day, and I hope I inspire people all around the world to just be themselves. Be humble, and be grateful for all the blessings in your life.– Stephen Curry

4. “Being a superstar means you’ve reached your potential, and I don’t think I’ve reached my potential as a basketball player and as a leader yet.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 1

5. “Be the best version of yourself in anything that you do. You don’t have to live anybody else’s story.” – Stephen Curry

 

6. “We have to have the mentality that we have to work for everything we’re going to get.” – Stephen Curry

7. “Play like you’re in first. Train like you’re in second.” Stephen Curry

8. “If you take time to realize what your dream is and what you really want in life — no matter what it is, whether it’s sports or in other fields — you have to realize that there is always work to do, and you want to be the hardest working person in whatever you do, and you put yourself in a position to be successful. And you have to have a passion about what you do.” – Stephen Curry

 

9th of 25 Stephen Curry Quotes

Stephen Curry Quotes

9. “If you don’t fall, how are you going to know what getting up is like?” – Stephen Curry

 

10. “I do a little sign on the court every time I make a shot or a good pass and i pound my chest and point to the sky – it symbolizes that I have a heart for God. It’s something that my mom and I came up with in college and I do it every time i step on the floor as a reminder of who I’m playing for.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 2

11. “I’m not the guy who’s afraid of failure. I like to take risks, take the big shot and all that.” – Stephen Curry

 

12. “Success is not an accident, success is actually a choice.” – Stephen Curry

13. “Success comes after you conquer your biggest obstacles and hurdles.” – Stephen Curry

 

14th of 25 Stephen Curry Quotes

14. “There’s more to me than just this jersey I wear.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 3

15. “I’d rather be a non-All-Star playing in the Western Conference finals than an All-Star who’s sitting at home in May.” – Stephen Curry

 

16. “I can do all things.” – Stephen Curry

17. “Every time I rise up, I have confidence that I’m going to make it.” – Stephen Curry

18. “I can get better. I haven’t reached my ceiling yet on how well I can shoot the basketball.” – Stephen Curry

19. “I can’t say enough, how important my faith is to how I play the game and who I am.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 4

20. “I really cherish everything that basketball brings; and I think, for me, it’s been a great ride and I’m not done yet…” – Stephen Curry

 

21. “Success is born out of faith, an undying passion, and a relentless drive.” – Stephen Curry

22. “Each game is an opportunity to be on a great stage and be a witness for Christ. When I step on the floor, people should know who I represent, who I believe in.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 5

23. “Basketball was mine, and that’s what’s carried me to this point.” – Stephen Curry

 

24. “The more years I go, the more experience I have, the more that nutrition and eating the right foods is important for recovery and things like that.” – Stephen Curry

25. “It’s all about winning. Stats really don’t matter, I mean, guys have great series and all that, and people take notice and take their place in history with those stats and all that stuff. But at the end of the day, it’s all about winning and what you can do to help your team get to that point.” – Stephen Curry

 

Summary

As always, I hope you love the quotes we’re publishing here guys, and let us know if there’s any other NBA player quotes you want us to publish on Wealthy Gorilla.

Which are your favorite Stephen Curry quotes? Leave a comment below.

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