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50 Funny & Inspirational Louis CK Quotes

Zisilia Alvsa

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50 Funny & Inspirational Louis CK Quotes

Which are your favorite Louis CK quotes?

Louis C.K. is an American stand-up comedian, film writer, actor, producer, and director. He is considered one of the most talented stand-up comedians of all time and has received six ‘Primetime Emmy Awards’.

C.K. has appeared in films such as  ‘American Hustle’, ‘Blue Jasmine’, and ‘Trumbo’. He also has created, directed, and starred in ‘Louie’, comedy-drama series aired from 2010 to 2015 on FX.

Here’s a collection of the most inspirational Louis CK quotes:

 

50 Funny & Inspirational Louis CK Quotes

1. “Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it’s really like magic because you transform reality for people.” – Louis CK

2. “When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don’t let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.” – Louis CK

3. “I grew up in a generation that had exponential technological advances.” – Louis CK

4. “It’s hard having kids because it’s boring… It’s just being with them on the floor while they be children. They read Clifford the Big Red Dog to you at a rate of 50 minutes a page, and you have to sit there and be horribly proud and bored at the same time.” – Louis CK

5. “The thing is, comedy’s gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness.” – Louis CK

6. “Comedians work great as actors because they’re good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything’s going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, ‘Hey, you really are screwing this up,’ and then they just get better.” – Louis CK

7. “If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place to live. There wouldn’t be a conversation.” – Louis CK

8. “When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.” – Louis CK

9. “All talking is good, negative and positive. Stabbing is bad; talking is good.” – Louis CK

 

10th of 50 Louis CK Quotes

10. “In 27 years doing this, I’ve seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo.” – Louis CK

 

11. “I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.” – Louis CK

12. “I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish – that’s what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff.” – Louis CK

13. “My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks, standardized testing and common core!” – Louis CK

14. “I think you have to try and fail because failure gets you closer to what you’re good at.” – Louis CK

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15. “One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” – Louis CK

16. “Everything that’s difficult you should be able to laugh about.” – Louis CK

17. “You don’t look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.” – Louis CK

18. “The only time you should look in your neighbor’s bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don’t look in your neighbor’s bowl to see if you have as much as them.” – Louis CK

19. “Life isn’t something you possess. It’s something you take part in, and you witness.” – Louis CK

 

20th of 50 Louis CK Quotes

20. “It’s a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.” – Louis CK

 

21. “People say there’s delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you’re home.” – Louis CK

22. “My kids and I figured out that there’s a third kind of person, and I don’t know what you call them, but it’s somebody who sees that the glass is always full because it’s half full with water and half full with nothing, so that’s the third kind of person. I don’t know what it is.” – Louis CK

23. “My show is sort of a short-film anthology, and I’m able to tell little stories that don’t necessarily carry a whole episode in terms of narrative. I like the audience not being sure what they’re getting. I think it’s more fun to watch something when you’re discovering it as you go along.” – Louis CK

24. “Race doesn’t mean what it used to in America anymore. It just doesn’t. Obama’s black, but he’s not black the way people used to define that. Is black your experience or the color of your skin? My experience is as a Mexican immigrant, more so than someone like George Lopez. He’s from California. But he’ll be treated as an immigrant. I am an outsider. My Abuelita, my grandmother, didn’t speak English. My whole family on my dad’s side is in Mexico. I won’t ever be called that or treated that way, but it was my experience.” – Louis CK

25. “The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It’s a massive gift to be able to say you’re not the most important person to yourself.” – Louis CK

26. “I’m a good citizen. I’m a good father. I recycle and I masturbate.” – Louis CK

27. “Human kindness has no reward. You should give to others in every way you see. expect absolutely nothing from anyone. It should be your goal to love every human you encounter. All human suffering that you’re aware of and continues without your effort to stop it becomes your crime.” – Louis CK

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28. “I do love standup. I love comedians. They’re my community. Also, because I know so many of them, I know the value of them. I know what they can do.” – Louis CK

29. “Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.” – Louis CK

 

30th of 50 Louis CK Quotes

30. “Whenever I’ve encountered a Christian saying, Why don’t you stop talking like that so I can hear you?’ I think, ‘Well you’re the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.” – Louis CK

 

31. “I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you should have is somebody else. You only ever need half a burger.” – Louis CK

32. “When you’re a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother’s assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore. And a lot of fathers live very much in avoidance, and they sit on the toilet. Or they say, ‘Oh honey, it took me 40 minutes to go to the post office.’ And they just sort of sit in the driveway and heave a big sigh- ‘Oh, I have to go back in.’ But then once you take it out on your own, you have to take it all on. And you sort of activate male skills that you didn’t know you could apply to fatherhood.” – Louis CK

33. “My 13-year-old daughter leaves the house at 7:15 every morning and takes a smelly city bus to school way uptown. It’s like 8 degrees out, and it’s dark and she’s got this morning face and I send her out there to take a bus. Meanwhile, my driver is sitting in a toasty Mercedes that’s going to take me to work once both kids are gone. I could send her in the Mercedes and then have it come back to get me, but I can’t have my kid doing that. I can’t do that to her. Me? I earned that f—ing Mercedes. You better f—ing believe it.” – Louis CK

34. “Technically, I’ve learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance.” – Louis CK

35. “I don’t stop eating when I’m full. The meal isn’t over when I’m full. It’s over when I hate myself.” – Louis CK

36. “I don’t have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It’s just me out of my head.” – Louis CK

37. “Some people think it’s demeaning to victims if you ever say anything out-loud about sexual abuse of children. I don’t know if that’s true.” – Louis CK

38. “Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I’ve heard educated white people say, ‘slavery was 400 years ago.’ No, it very wasn’t. It was 140 years ago…that’s two 70-year-old ladies living and dying back to back. That’s how recently you could buy a guy.” – Louis CK

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39. “Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I’m like, and I just go, ‘Ugh’.” – Louis CK

 

40th of 50 Louis CK Quotes

40. “I didn’t make any kind of grades in high school. My mother was a single mom, putting my three sisters through college, and I was such a bad student that I knew I had no right to take her money. But I loved being in classes and learning. I took in a huge amount of what I learned, but I had a feeling of always being behind and being in trouble.” – Louis CK

 

41. “I’d like to name my kid a whole phrase. You know, something like Ladies and Gentlemen. That’ll be a cool name for a kid. This is my son, Ladies, and Gentlemen! Then, when he gets out of hand, I get to go, Ladies and Gentlemen, please!” – Louis CK

42. “There’s nowhere I won’t go. As long as it’s horribly, horribly true and/or wrong.” – Louis CK

43. “People come back from flights and tell you a story like it’s a horror story. That’s how bad they make it sound. They’re like, ‘It was the worst day of my life. We didn’t board for 20 minutes and they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes.’ Oh really? What happened next? Did you fly in the air, incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight you non-contributing zero?” – Louis CK

44. “When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way to articulate it and inspire them.” – Louis CK

45. “To me, art supplies are always okay to buy.” – Louis CK

46. “Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won’t take away your manhood; it will give it to you.” – Louis CK

47. “A lot of stand-up specials for cable are meant to glorify the comedian. They put you in a really beautiful theater, and sometimes they even blow a little smoke in there to make it misty and sweet. They make the guy look like he’s a big rock star. But comedy’s not really glamorous. It doesn’t enhance comedy for it to look good.” – Louis CK

48. “How do women still go out guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We’re the number one threat to women! Globally, and historically one cause of injury and mayhem to women. You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.” – Louis CK

49. “I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that.” – Louis CK

50. “Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it.” – Louis CK

 

Summary

Thanks for checking out this collection of quotes from Louis CK! Don’t forget to share them on social media with your friends and family.

Which are your favorite Louis CK quotes? Leave a comment below.

Zisilia Alvsa is a writer for Wealthy Gorilla. Friends often call her Zii. She is a girl from Jakarta, Indonesia who currently lives in Bali. Zii loves photography and travelling.

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