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50 Hilarious Letterkenny Quotes

Zisilia Alvsa



50 Hilarious Letterkenny Quotes

Which are the best Letterkenny quotes?

Letterkenny is a Canadian television sitcom that follows the residents of Letterkenny, a small rural community in Ontario loosely based on Keeso’s hometown of Listowel, Ontario. Starring Keeso alongside Nathan Dales, Michelle Mylett, and K. Trevor Wilson, created by Jared Keeso. 

The series began as a YouTube web series titled Letterkenny Problems and later aired on The Comedy Network, in February 2016. The series has won the award for Best Comedy Series.

Here’s a collection of the most hilarious Letterkenny quotes:


50 Hilarious Letterkenny Quotes

1. “…I’m too fat to run.” — Squirrelly Dan

2. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark.” — Wayne

3. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’.” — Wayne

4. “Figure it out!” — Everyone

5. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s? — Jonesy

6. “Hard no.” — Wayne

7. “Not my pig, not my farm.” — Wayne

8. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.” — Coach

9. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan.” — Wayne


10th of 50 LetterKenny Quotes

10. “Fuck, Lemony Snicket, what A Series of Unfortunate Events you been through, you ugly fuck.” — Jonesy


11. “Fuck you Shoresy! Put a shirt on.” — Reilly

12. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids.” — Wayne

13. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you.” — Squirrelly Dan

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14. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.” — Wayne

15. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya.” — Wayne

16. “Fuck you, Jonesy, your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!” — Shoresy

17. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.” — Katy

18. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?” — Reilly

19. “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?” — Wayne


20th of 50 LetterKenny Quotes

20. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” — Wayne


21. “Fuck you, Shoresy, you’re a terrible fuckin ref!” — Jonesy

22. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.” — Wayne

23. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now.” — Daryl

24. “Fuck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom’s floor! She gives my nipples butterfly kisses.” — Jonesy

25. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.” — Wayne

26. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.” — Wayne

27. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.” — Wayne

28. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me.” — Wayne

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29. “Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.” — Reilly


30th of 50 LetterKenny Quotes

30. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.” — Wayne


31. “Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood.” — Wayne

32. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails.” — Wayne

33. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.” — Wayne

34. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.” — Daryl

35. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat.” — Katy

36. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” — Gail

37. “You ever hoover schneef off a sleeping cow’s spine?” “I’ve hoovered schneef off an awake cow’s teet.” — Daryl

38. “It’s like algebra…why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?” — Wayne

39. “You seen a ‘coon havin’ sex with a barn cat on top of your truck? Fuck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki.” — Wayne


40th of 50 LetterKenny Quotes

40. “Where’s the sacrifice?” — Jonesy


41. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.” — Katy

42. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.” — Wayne

43. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er.” — Everyone

44. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” — Squirrelly Dan

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45. “You can cross fuck off.” — Wayne

46. “And I suggest you let that one marinate.” — Wayne

47. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground.” — Squirrelly Dan

48. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.” — Wayne

49. “We need backup, boys.” — Jonesy

50. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.” — Wayne



Thanks for checking out this collection of quotes from Letterkenny! Don’t forget to share them on social media with your friends and family.

Which are your favorite Letterkenny quotes? Leave a comment below.

Zisilia Alvsa is a writer for Wealthy Gorilla. Friends often call her Zii. She is a girl from Jakarta, Indonesia who currently lives in Bali. Zii loves photography and travelling.

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