50 Bold Joey Diaz Quotes

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Which are your favorite Joey Diaz quotes?

Joey Diaz is a Cuban-American stand-up comedian, actor, and podcaster. His comedy career began while he was in prison after he entertained fellow inmates when the projector broke during a movie night.

In 1995, he moved to Los Angeles where he began his acting career and do a lot of stand-up comedy. He has appeared in various films and television, including ‘My Name Is Earl’, ‘The Longest Yard’, ‘Spider-Man 2’, and ‘Taxi’. In addition to his success, he has a podcast called ‘Uncle Joey’s Joint’.

Here’s our collection of the best Joey Diaz quotes:


50 Bold  Joey Diaz Quotes

1. “I never dreamed that I’d be alive at 51 with a one-year-old babysitting on my lap. I never dreamed of that.” – Joey Diaz

2. “I’m Hispanic. I’m a Catholic. I believe in God. I believe in karma.” – Joey Diaz

3. “Three fucking years of procrastination and I still messed around until maybe ’99. And after like, 2000, I was okay.” – Joey Diaz

4. “I don’t have to carry my own suitcase. I can make a living as an author.” – Joey Diaz

5. “I think it took me three years to get on stage after I got out of prison.” – Joey Diaz

6. “Let’s say sometimes I go into an audition or I go to a comedy club or I’m waiting to go up. While you’re waiting to do anything, all of your insecurities come up.” – Joey Diaz

7. “I remember looking at the year 2000 like something I was never going to hit.” – Joey Diaz

8. “I was making money in Colorado, I was taking classes at night, I had a ski pass, I had a nice apartment, and it made me get on a plane and go home for my birthday in 1984.” – Joey Diaz

9. “People knew I did blow, but I didn’t tell nobody my secret. People knew, but you never saw me high, so I understand. That’s what this book is about.” – Joey Diaz


10th of 50 Joey Diaz Quotes

10. “I had too much negativity. I had too many bad things that happened and I’d always go back to doing something stupid.” – Joey Diaz


11. “It’s funny because when I got out of prison, it took me maybe an hour to go back to doing blow and being a criminal, but in the back of my mind, at least I always had that comedy thing that when I’m good and ready to stop doing what I’m doing, I’ll be ready for comedy.” – Joey Diaz

12. “I was 23 years old and I had fucked up and now I had to leave my friends. And it was a tough decision, but I had to do it. And at that time, I didn’t know that any of this was even possible. I was just buying time every day.” – Joey Diaz

13. “Jersey has the most people per capita. It’s amazing, everybody wants to live in New Jersey.” – Joey Diaz

14. “I’ve always been very proud of my Jersey roots. See, I wouldn’t be here without my fuckin’ Jersey roots. There’s no way.” – Joey Diaz

15. “Comedy had made its point; there was no reason to be a criminal when I had little things going with comedy. So comedy, in a way, saved my life.” – Joey Diaz

16. “I had too many bad things that happened and I’d always go back to doing something stupid.” – Joey Diaz

17. “I think I was always doomed to be involved in some type of comedy because I was an only child, so I learned early on to justify everything in my head with comedy.” – Joey Diaz

18. “It brings back both. As soon as I land in Newark and I’m coming up Route 3, I just start thinking about everything that happened in New Jersey from me growing up, and it’s both good and bad. But after about an hour or so and I get some Chinese food, I’m back, I’m okay.” – Joey Diaz

19. “You start thinking about all these insecurities. Then I realized, You know what? I’m from fucking New Jersey.” – Joey Diaz


20th of 50 Joey Diaz Quotes

20. “I just showed up at the Comedy Store. You keep showing up, and you keep showing up, and eventually, somebody notices.” – Joey Diaz


21. “If I see an audition for a show or a movie, I’ll send a tape in. I attack it. The whole time, I’m booking comedy, so no matter what, I always got that coming in. I’m always working on my craft.” – Joey Diaz

22. “You just drove a fucking hour on a Friday night from New Jersey to see me in the city. You paid $22, you parked, you bought drugs, you got a date… The least I can do is show you my hand. I can’t talk to everybody. I can’t hug everybody. But I can be accessible to you.” – Joey Diaz

23. “I want to write a book on addictions, just to let people know the horrible things I did and the horrible situations I’ve put myself in.” – Joey Diaz

24. “I was just coming out of prison, I was married, and I had a kid, and I didn’t know what to do, so I tried stand-up.” – Joey Diaz

25. “Bars were still open until seven in the morning and it was still crazy, so I knew I couldn’t grow if I stayed there.” – Joey Diaz

26. “I still told you to go fuck yourself if you needed to and stuff like that, but I was a little calm.” – Joey Diaz

27. “Fuck these motherfuckers.” And then I’d go in there and I’d rock, and that’s the truth.” – Joey Diaz

28. “Jersey’s amazing. Why? Because everybody always wants to be from New York, so we always had to work harder.” – Joey Diaz

29. “A week before my mother died, I came home late from a Halloween party and my mother got mad at me and smacked me and the next morning, she apologized and she said, “Listen, man. I do this to you because I want you to grow up to be a fuckin’ man.” And a week later, she died.” – Joey Diaz


30th of 50 Joey Diaz Quotes

30. “This guy baptized me in a church and I fucked him over and I remember he said, “The next time I see you, I’m going to shoot you.” And he pulled away on the motorcycle and I got on the bus.” – Joey Diaz


31. “I lived in my car in Hollywood for a year, and then it got towed. My… apartment got towed. How… does that happen?” – Joey Diaz

32. “If you go on Wikipedia and look at all the people from Jersey, your jaw will fuckin’ drop.” – Joey Diaz

33. “I’m also gonna do an audiobook—turning that into an audiobook.” – Joey Diaz

34. “It’s funny, I went to Colorado at 19 and I missed New Jersey; I missed my friends so much.” – Joey Diaz

35. “I didn’t want to leave North Bergen, but I knew that for me to grow as a human being and for me too.” – Joey Diaz

36. “Ford, Suzuki, Subaru—all those cars are good. Subaru went the extra mile—they give you free service now. Because it’s not about the product anymore; it’s about customer service and what you wrap around it.” – Joey Diaz

37. “This is my whole life, New Jersey.” – Joey Diaz

38. “People die millionaires. All your life, you’re gonna stress money?” – Joey Diaz

39. “I’m trying to put together something online right now, like a small web series. In fact, I just met with the people on Sunday and we’re going to meet again Monday to throw some ideas around.” – Joey Diaz


40th of 50 Joey Diaz Quotes

40. “Hey, I’m not rich, but I’m lucky. I get to do what I want to do. That’s not an easy thing to do in this country.” – Joey Diaz


41. “I’m a stand-up comic, but I also have ideas, and I want to get them out. People think getting in front of the mic is the only way to work out. You’ve got to try different situations.” – Joey Diaz

42. “I love Houston.” – Joey Diaz

43. “I remember being involved with drugs and going to prison and all that thinking, Wow, when I’m 37, that’s the year 2000.” – Joey Diaz

44. “When something bad happens like that at the time, you never think of… I never dreamed at that time.” – Joey Diaz

45. “People don’t get help because they’re scared, but after I did that podcast on addictions last week, I really saw how many emails I got and how many people that I had never met confess to me.” – Joey Diaz

46. “I want to write stories for my daughter” – Joey Diaz

47. “When you and I were growing up, we were fans of people. We had a poster of Richard Pryor on our wall or a poster of Led Zeppelin or Tool or Pink Floyd. That doesn’t exist today.” – Joey Diaz

48. “Like when something happens and you add comedy to it, it makes it okay.” – Joey Diaz

49. “I thought I would be an extra one time in a movie. And I would have been happy with that.” – Joey Diaz

50. “It was definitely a wake-up call for me. It was a definitely a wake-up call for me, and it was a good wake-up call.” – Joey Diaz



Thanks for checking out this collection of quotes from Joey Diaz! Don’t forget to share them on social media with your friends and family.

Which are your favorite Joey Diaz quotes? Leave a comment below.

Zisilia Alvsa
Zisilia Alvsa
Zisilia Alvsa is a writer for Wealthy Gorilla. Friends often call her Zii. She is a girl from Jakarta, Indonesia who currently lives in Bali. Zii loves photography and travelling.


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