Which are your favorite Joey Diaz quotes?
Joey Diaz is a Cuban-American stand-up comedian, actor, and podcaster. His comedy career began while he was in prison after he entertained fellow inmates when the projector broke during a movie night.
In 1995, he moved to Los Angeles where he began his acting career and do a lot of stand-up comedy. He has appeared in various films and television, including ‘My Name Is Earl’, ‘The Longest Yard’, ‘Spider-Man 2’, and ‘Taxi’. In addition to his success, he has a podcast called ‘Uncle Joey’s Joint’.
Here’s our collection of the best Joey Diaz quotes:
Table of Contents
50 Bold Joey Diaz Quotes
1. “I never dreamed that I’d be alive at 51 with a one-year-old babysitting on my lap. I never dreamed of that.” – Joey Diaz
2. “I’m Hispanic. I’m a Catholic. I believe in God. I believe in karma.” – Joey Diaz
3. “Three fucking years of procrastination and I still messed around until maybe ’99. And after like, 2000, I was okay.” – Joey Diaz
4. “I don’t have to carry my own suitcase. I can make a living as an author.” – Joey Diaz
5. “I think it took me three years to get on stage after I got out of prison.” – Joey Diaz
6. “Let’s say sometimes I go into an audition or I go to a comedy club or I’m waiting to go up. While you’re waiting to do anything, all of your insecurities come up.” – Joey Diaz
7. “I remember looking at the year 2000 like something I was never going to hit.” – Joey Diaz
8. “I was making money in Colorado, I was taking classes at night, I had a ski pass, I had a nice apartment, and it made me get on a plane and go home for my birthday in 1984.” – Joey Diaz
9. “People knew I did blow, but I didn’t tell nobody my secret. People knew, but you never saw me high, so I understand. That’s what this book is about.” – Joey Diaz
10th of 50 Joey Diaz Quotes
10. “I had too much negativity. I had too many bad things that happened and I’d always go back to doing something stupid.” – Joey Diaz
11. “It’s funny because when I got out of prison, it took me maybe an hour to go back to doing blow and being a criminal, but in the back of my mind, at least I always had that comedy thing that when I’m good and ready to stop doing what I’m doing, I’ll be ready for comedy.” – Joey Diaz
12. “I was 23 years old and I had fucked up and now I had to leave my friends. And it was a tough decision, but I had to do it. And at that time, I didn’t know that any of this was even possible. I was just buying time every day.” – Joey Diaz
13. “Jersey has the most people per capita. It’s amazing, everybody wants to live in New Jersey.” – Joey Diaz
14. “I’ve always been very proud of my Jersey roots. See, I wouldn’t be here without my fuckin’ Jersey roots. There’s no way.” – Joey Diaz
15. “Comedy had made its point; there was no reason to be a criminal when I had little things going with comedy. So comedy, in a way, saved my life.” – Joey Diaz
16. “I had too many bad things that happened and I’d always go back to doing something stupid.” – Joey Diaz
17. “I think I was always doomed to be involved in some type of comedy because I was an only child, so I learned early on to justify everything in my head with comedy.” – Joey Diaz
18. “It brings back both. As soon as I land in Newark and I’m coming up Route 3, I just start thinking about everything that happened in New Jersey from me growing up, and it’s both good and bad. But after about an hour or so and I get some Chinese food, I’m back, I’m okay.” – Joey Diaz
19. “You start thinking about all these insecurities. Then I realized, You know what? I’m from fucking New Jersey.” – Joey Diaz
20th of 50 Joey Diaz Quotes
20. “I just showed up at the Comedy Store. You keep showing up, and you keep showing up, and eventually, somebody notices.” – Joey Diaz
21. “If I see an audition for a show or a movie, I’ll send a tape in. I attack it. The whole time, I’m booking comedy, so no matter what, I always got that coming in. I’m always working on my craft.” – Joey Diaz
22. “You just drove a fucking hour on a Friday night from New Jersey to see me in the city. You paid $22, you parked, you bought drugs, you got a date… The least I can do is show you my hand. I can’t talk to everybody. I can’t hug everybody. But I can be accessible to you.” – Joey Diaz
23. “I want to write a book on addictions, just to let people know the horrible things I did and the horrible situations I’ve put myself in.” – Joey Diaz
24. “I was just coming out of prison, I was married, and I had a kid, and I didn’t know what to do, so I tried stand-up.” – Joey Diaz
25. “Bars were still open until seven in the morning and it was still crazy, so I knew I couldn’t grow if I stayed there.” – Joey Diaz
26. “I still told you to go fuck yourself if you needed to and stuff like that, but I was a little calm.” – Joey Diaz
27. “Fuck these motherfuckers.” And then I’d go in there and I’d rock, and that’s the truth.” – Joey Diaz
28. “Jersey’s amazing. Why? Because everybody always wants to be from New York, so we always had to work harder.” – Joey Diaz
29. “A week before my mother died, I came home late from a Halloween party and my mother got mad at me and smacked me and the next morning, she apologized and she said, “Listen, man. I do this to you because I want you to grow up to be a fuckin’ man.” And a week later, she died.” – Joey Diaz
30th of 50 Joey Diaz Quotes
30. “This guy baptized me in a church and I fucked him over and I remember he said, “The next time I see you, I’m going to shoot you.” And he pulled away on the motorcycle and I got on the bus.” – Joey Diaz
31. “I lived in my car in Hollywood for a year, and then it got towed. My… apartment got towed. How… does that happen?” – Joey Diaz
32. “If you go on Wikipedia and look at all the people from Jersey, your jaw will fuckin’ drop.” – Joey Diaz
33. “I’m also gonna do an audiobook—turning that into an audiobook.” – Joey Diaz
34. “It’s funny, I went to Colorado at 19 and I missed New Jersey; I missed my friends so much.” – Joey Diaz
35. “I didn’t want to leave North Bergen, but I knew that for me to grow as a human being and for me too.” – Joey Diaz
36. “Ford, Suzuki, Subaru—all those cars are good. Subaru went the extra mile—they give you free service now. Because it’s not about the product anymore; it’s about customer service and what you wrap around it.” – Joey Diaz
37. “This is my whole life, New Jersey.” – Joey Diaz
38. “People die millionaires. All your life, you’re gonna stress money?” – Joey Diaz
39. “I’m trying to put together something online right now, like a small web series. In fact, I just met with the people on Sunday and we’re going to meet again Monday to throw some ideas around.” – Joey Diaz
40th of 50 Joey Diaz Quotes
40. “Hey, I’m not rich, but I’m lucky. I get to do what I want to do. That’s not an easy thing to do in this country.” – Joey Diaz
41. “I’m a stand-up comic, but I also have ideas, and I want to get them out. People think getting in front of the mic is the only way to work out. You’ve got to try different situations.” – Joey Diaz
42. “I love Houston.” – Joey Diaz
43. “I remember being involved with drugs and going to prison and all that thinking, Wow, when I’m 37, that’s the year 2000.” – Joey Diaz
44. “When something bad happens like that at the time, you never think of… I never dreamed at that time.” – Joey Diaz
45. “People don’t get help because they’re scared, but after I did that podcast on addictions last week, I really saw how many emails I got and how many people that I had never met confess to me.” – Joey Diaz
46. “I want to write stories for my daughter” – Joey Diaz
47. “When you and I were growing up, we were fans of people. We had a poster of Richard Pryor on our wall or a poster of Led Zeppelin or Tool or Pink Floyd. That doesn’t exist today.” – Joey Diaz
48. “Like when something happens and you add comedy to it, it makes it okay.” – Joey Diaz
49. “I thought I would be an extra one time in a movie. And I would have been happy with that.” – Joey Diaz
50. “It was definitely a wake-up call for me. It was a definitely a wake-up call for me, and it was a good wake-up call.” – Joey Diaz
Summary
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