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32 Hilarious Amy Schumer Quotes to Brighten Your Day

The Best Amy Schumer Quotes

Amy Schumer is an American comedian and actress.

Schumer ventured into comedy in the early 2000s and she has also been the creator, co-producer, co-writer and star of the Comedy Central sketch comedy series ‘Inside Amy Schumer’ for which she received numerous awards for.

We’ve put together this incredible collection of the most hilarious Amy Schumer quotes of all time:

 

32 Amy Schumer Quotes

1.”I get labeled a sex comic. But if a guy got up on stage and pulled his dick out, everybody would say: ‘He’s a thinker.’” – Amy Schumer

2.“The difference between sex and love is I’ve never come from love.” – Amy Schumer

3..“The best advice my mother gave me was to ‘be a lady.’ But I never really knew what that meant, and obviously didn’t take to it.” – Amy Schumer

4.“We have to be a role model for these little girls, because who do they have? All they have really is the Kardashians … And like, we used to have Khloé. Khloé was ours, right? Whenever there’s a group of women, you identify with one of them … Khloé, she lost half her body weight. She lost a Kendall! We have nothing. I want good role models.” – Amy Schumer

5.“I am a woman with thoughts and questions and shit to say. You will not determine my story — I will. I will speak and share and fuck and love and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who resent that they never had it in them to do it.” – Amy Schumer

6.“My vagina’s right where it should be.” – Amy Schumer

7.“This is where my poo comes out. Talkin’ ‘bout my fudge machine.” – Amy Schumer

8.“I’d like to be the guardian of Chris Pratt’s ass.” – Amy Schumer

9.“ If convicted, the next time you put on a rerun of The Cosby Show, you might wince a little. … We deserve to dance like no one’s watching, and watch like no one’s raping.” – Amy Schumer

 

10th of 32 Amy Schumer Quotes

10. “Respect the kill.” – Amy Schumer

 

11.“In L.A., my arms register as legs.” – Amy Schumer

12.“JJ’s a sweetheart. He’s just missing, like, charisma, humility, and sense of humor.” – Amy Schumer

13.“I’m sorry, were you flirting with that beer?” – Amy Schumer

14.“I’m probably like 160 pounds right now and can catch a dick whenever I want.” – Amy Schumer

15.“You know when you’re doing interviews, and the person sees someone more important behind you? It’s like being at a party and there’s a hotter girl behind you, and they just want you to drop dead. So I saw the reporter do that, and all the reporters were going crazy, and it was Kim and Kanye, just standing there, owning it, just being short and important. And I think falling is the funniest thing, so I just took a dive in front of them and pretended like I fell.” – Amy Schumer

16.“My prince? … Turns out, I’m not really comfortable sleeping with a close relative and also, I just turned 14.” – Amy Schumer

17.“A guy could be talking to two women at a party, and one is beautiful and just won the Nobel Prize in Literature, and the other is slight, just slightly hotter and, like, has an interview at H&M in the morning. And ten times out of ten, you know how that’s going to go.” – Amy Schumer

18.“My mom told me I didn’t need to shave my legs above the knee. I’m basically like Christopher Robin down there.” – Amy Schumer

19.“You’re supposed to be really excited about a big penis, but when you’re faced with one, it’s like a unicorn — in theory, you’ve always wanted to see one up close but if it were ever standing in front of you, you’d be like Fuck that and you would run. You’d be like, Oh, it’s actually a horse with a weapon on its head.” – Amy Schumer

 

20th of 32 Amy Schumer Quotes

20.“Thank you so much for asking. Once I realized I had more eyes and ears on me and had an influence I stopped telling jokes like that on stage. I am evolving as an artist. I am taking responsibility and hope I haven’t hurt anyone. And I apologize if I did. Thanks again for asking.” – Amy Schumer

 

21.“That’s the Hollywood secret: Don’t put food in your dumb mouth!” – Amy Schumer

22.“I had my annual Pap smear. I got to go back to annual Paps because there’s no HPV detectable in my system. We had a lot of laughs. [My gynecologist] kind of got something stuck in her throat while she was examining me, but from where I was sitting, it seemed like she was kind of gagging looking at my vagina. But it’s always nice to see her.” – Amy Schumer

23.“At the Glamour Women of the Year Awards … Katie Couric is like, ‘Oh my God, my husband is here … should I go to talk to him?’ I was like, ‘I don’t know, Katie Couric. That’s your husband. I guess?’ And I look and she left her phone open to texts from him. So don’t worry, I didn’t do anything, except I picked it up and I just without even thinking texted him: ‘I want to have anal tonight,’ and I sent it.” – Amy Schumer

24.“For women, we’re taught to eat less until we disappear. And trained to believe that if you don’t look like everyone else, then you’re unlovable. And men are not trained that way. Men can look like whatever and still date a supermodel. I’m proud of what I said. I think it’s good to see somebody saying: I have a belly.” – Amy Schumer

25.“I don’t try to be a feminist. I just am. It’s innately inside me. I have no interest in trying to be the perfect feminist, but I do believe feminists are in good hands with me.” – Amy Schumer

 

26th of 32 Amy Schumer Quotes

26.“It says Happy Birthday. Because it was your birthday. You’re a supermodel, and you’re dating Jake Gyllenhaal, but I am living here, and I am eating this. So good. ‘You are a princess.’ Yes I am. Yes we can, I am.” – Amy Schumer

 

27.“I’m not going to shut up. And I think people only want women to speak for so long. They build you up, and then they’re just ready to tear you down. Like Hillary — when it’s really gone time for her, I’ll definitely be active, and that’ll make people hate me.” – Amy Schumer

28.“More than anything, the story of this girl [in Trainwreck] was really important for me to tell … We’re so quick to label somebody: ‘She’s a drunk slut, got it.’ But I want to look at nature and nurture that got her there.” – Amy Schumer

29.“Make sure he knows that you’re entitled to an orgasm. I like to say it. I’ll be like, ‘Hey, there are two people here.’ I’ll be like, ‘Oh my God, have you met my clit?’” – Amy Schumer

30.“Did your dick get stung by 90 bees?” – Amy Schumer

31.“Thanks, everybody who has helped me. Thanks to the girl who gave me this sort of a smoky eye. I really love it.” – Amy Schumer

32.“This has been an insane year for me. I made two New Year’s resolutions. No. 1, I wanted to catfish someone. Did it, loved it, recommend it. And No. 2 was to this year just once take off a pair of underwear and have it not look like I blew my nose in it. Same? Same?” – Amy Schumer

 

Summary

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Do you have a favorite Amy Schumer quote? Leave a comment below.

Emmy Wallin is a writer for Wealthy Gorilla. She is a young Swedish girl from Uppsala, who is currently traveling around the world. Emmy has a big passion for helping others and motivating people. Emmy has been studying celebrities careers, biographies, lifestyles, and net worths for over 3 years. She is the face behind the net worth profiles here on Wealthy Gorilla.

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Athlete Quotes

43 Motivational Peyton Manning Quotes

The Best Peyton Manning Quotes

Peyton Manning, now 40 years old, was a professional American football player. He played as a star quarterback in the NFL for 18 seasons.

He is considered to have been one of the best quarterbacks of all time, originally playing for the Indianapolis Colts, and finishing the last four season of his career playing for the Denver Broncos.

Check out our collection of the most motivational Peyton Manning quotes:

 

43 Motivational Peyton Manning Quotes

1. “I have to leave the games now if the announcer says something I don’t agree with. I’m thinking, ‘Peyton, it is not healthy to be all worked up before a game.'” – Peyton Manning

2. “Anyone who waits for someone else to make a change automatically becomes a follower.” – Peyton Manning

3. “Everybody is going to be excited to play in a Super Bowl. When you still enjoy the preparation and the work part of it, I think you ought to be still doing that. I think as soon as I stop enjoying it, if I can’t produce, if I can’t help a team, that’s when I will stop playing.” Peyton Manning

4. “I have to leave the games now if the announcer says something I don’t agree with. I’m thinking, ‘Peyton, it is not healthy to be all worked up before a game.’” – Peyton Manning

5. “I want to be out there every single snap, every single play.” – Peyton Manning

6. “I’m not 23 anymore. But the defensive ends and linebackers chasing me are. If I had to chose between youth and experience, I’d take experience every time.” – Peyton Manning

7. “I’m very humbled and I’m very honored. I certainly think about how grateful I am for all the teammates and coached that I’ve played with and played for throughout my career.” – Peyton Manning

8. “I’ve never left the field saying, ‘I could’ve done more to get ready,’ and that gives me peace of mind.” – Peyton Manning

9. “Imitation is obviously a great form of flattery.” – Peyton Manning

10. “It’s not wanting to win that makes you a winner; it’s refusing to fail.” – Peyton Manning

11. “My dad was a class person on and off the field. That’s the person I want to be.” – Peyton Manning

 

12th of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

Peyton Manning Picture Quote 1

12. “Pressure is something you feel when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.” – Peyton Manning

13. “Some people have this impression of me: ‘Boy, he’s always so serious on the field. Football. Football. Football.’” – Peyton Manning

14. “When you go through a significant injury and have a major career change, you truly do go one year at a time, and you don’t look past what’s going on now, because you are not sure what’s going to happen. Tomorrow is not promised.” – Peyton Manning

15. “You’ve got to remember what your priorities are. When you’re playing, what you do on the field is the most important thing.“ – Peyton Manning

16. “My high-school coach Tony Reginelli was kind of famous for ‘Reggie-isms,’ kind of like ‘Yogi-isms.’ He always said if you want to be a good quarterback, when sprinting left you want to be amphibious and throw left-handed. I told him, ‘You mean ambidextrous, coach?'” – Peyton Manning

17. “Being there every week for my teammates is really important to me. It’s all about accountability. I hear stuff about the ‘toughest quarterback in the league’ and all that; what’s that mean?” – Peyton Manning

18. “I don’t want to retire. I still want to play.” – Peyton Manning

19. “I pray every night, sometimes long prayers about a lot of things and a lot of people, but I don’t talk about it or brag about it because that’s between God and me, and I’m no better than anybody else in God’s sight.” – Peyton Manning

20. “I was never on a mission to be an NFL quarterback. I wanted to be a good high school player, and I worked hard at that. That made me good enough to play in college and then I wanted to be a good college quarterback. During college I played well enough to make it into the NFL. I never took it for granted and really wanted to play hard at each level and I have always had a lot of fun doing what I wanted to do.” – Peyton Manning

21. “I’m proud to be Archie’s son. Being a quarterback, I had my mentor and hero living in the same house.” – Peyton Manning

22. “I’ve been a Colt for almost all of my adult life, but I guess in life, and in sports, we all know nothing lasts forever. Times change, circumstances change, and that’s the reality of playing in the NFL.” – Peyton Manning

 

23rd of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

“If nothing else in life, I want to be true to the things I believe in, and quite simply, to what I’m all about. I know I’d better, because it seems whenever I take a false step or two I feel the consequences.” – Peyton Manning

 

24. “It goes without saying, winning against a good team in a hostile crowd on the road, it’s just an absolutely huge win.” – Peyton Manning

25. “Life is about choices. You ask the questions and you listen to the answers. Then you listen to your heart.” – Peyton Manning

26. “My faith doesn’t make me perfect, it makes me forgiven.” – Peyton Manning

27. “Remind your critics when they say you don’t have the expertise or experience to do something that an amateur built the ark and the experts built the titanic.” – Peyton Manning

 

28th of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

Peyton Manning Picture Quote 2

28. “We’ve been working a long time for this and we want to accomplish our ultimate goal. We know what it takes.” – Peyton Manning

29. “When you take a year off from football, you come back for all the enjoyable moments. When you’re not playing, you miss out on all the highs, but you also miss these disappointments. But I would rather be in the arena to be excited or be disappointed than not have a chance at all. That’s football. That’s why everybody plays it.” – Peyton Manning

30. “The head coach tells us what to do, and we follow his orders.” – Peyton Manning

31. “Boy, do I hate to lose.” – Peyton Manning

32. “I guess, to tell you the truth, I’ve never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I’ve managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache.” – Peyton Manning

33. “I think I could describe the perfect quarterback. Take a little piece of everybody. Take John Elway’s arm, Dan Marino’s release, maybe Troy Aikman’s drop-back, Brett Favre’s scrambling ability, Joe Montana’s two-minute poise and, naturally, my speed.” – Peyton Manning

34. “I would like to think I will be a guy who knows when it’s time to stop. I don’t want to be a guy who hung on and on. I do not have a goal in mind of a year or a statistic.” – Peyton Manning

35. “I’m the best manning.” – Peyton Manning

36. “I’ve been being asked about my legacy since I was about 25 years old. I’m not sure you can have a legacy when you’re 25 years old. Even 37. I’d like to have to be, like, 70 to have a legacy. I’m not even 100 percent sure what the word even means.” – Peyton Manning

37. “If you work hard and you play well, all those critics quiet themselves pretty quickly.” – Peyton Manning

 

38th of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it.” – Peyton Manning

 

39. “My dad told us up front, ‘Guys, if you want to play sports, go ahead, but it’s your decision.’” – Peyton Manning

40. “My job is to play well offensively and help my team score points. So I feel very responsible every time we lose a game.” – Peyton Manning

41. “Some guys leave a place after a long time, and they’re bitter. Not me.” – Peyton Manning

42. “When people are watching you, it makes you think twice about what you do, and the things you say, and the people you hang around with.” – Peyton Manning

43. “You hear about how many fourth quarter comebacks that a guy has and I think it means a guy screwed up in the first three quarters.” – Peyton Manning

 

Peyton Manning Motivational Video

Check out our other NFL quotes on Tom Brady and Marshawn Lynch!

Which are your favourite Peyton Manning quotes? Leave a comment below.

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Actor Quotes

25 Inspirational Robert De Niro Quotes

The Best Robert De Niro Quotes

Robert De Niro is an American/Italian actor and producer;

At 73 years old, he’s had an incredibly successful career, and starred in a ridiculous number of films. Far too many to list, but here’s a few of the highlights:

  • The Godfather Part II
  • Silver Linings
  • Analyze This
  • The Intern
  • Casino
  • Meet the Fockers
  • Goodfellas
  • Grudge Match

We’ve put together this small, yet inspirational collection of the best Robert De Niro quotes:

 

25 Inspirational Robert De Niro Quotes

1. “You learned the two greatest thing in life, never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut.” – Robert De Niro

2. “The talent is in the choices.” – Robert De Niro

3. “One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people’s lives without having to pay the price.” – Robert De Niro

4. “You’ll have time to rest when you’re dead.” – Robert De Niro

5. “I love to find new people. It’s not for the sake of their being new; it’s because if you find someone who perfectly fits a part, that’s such a great thing.” – Robert De Niro

6. “It’s important not to indicate. People don’t try to show their feelings, they try to hide them.” – Robert De Niro

7. “Time goes on. So whatever you’re going to do, do it. Do it now. Don’t wait.” – Robert De Niro

8. “Money makes your life easier. If you’re lucky to have it, you’re lucky.” – Robert De Niro

9. “The hardest thing about being famous is that people are always nice to you.” – Robert De Niro

 

10th of 25 Robert De Niro Quotes

“There’s nothing more ironic or contradictory than life itself.” – Robert De Niro

 

11. “I didn’t have a problem with rejection, because when you go into an audition, you’re rejected already. There are hundreds of other actors. You’re behind the eight ball when you go in there.” – Robert De Niro

12. “In acting, I always try to go back to what would actually be the real situation, the real human behavior in life.” – Robert De Niro

13. “I think it’s important to have had at least a few years of obscurity, where people treat you like everybody else.” – Robert De Niro

14. “I don’t like to watch my own movies – I fall asleep in my own movies.” – Robert De Niro

15. “I don’t get into these long-winded heavy discussions about character – do we do this or that or what. At the end of the day, what you gotta do is just go out there and do it.” – Robert De Niro

16. “With ‘Silver Linings,’ I didn’t feel – I was thinking of certain things, but I just said, ‘Let me go with it.’ You have to know what you’re doing, where you’re going with the scenes, and I put a lot of work into that. But when you’re out there, at the same time you gotta be ready for anything.” – Robert De Niro

 

17th of 25 Robert De Niro Quotes

17. “Don’t be afraid to do what your instincts tell you.” – Robert De Niro

 

18. “You discovered a talent, developed an ambition and recognized your passion. When you feel that, you can’t fight it — you just go with it.” – Robert De Niro

19. “Life rarely changes you totally but it consistently changes you in details.” – Robert De Niro

20. “I don’t feel pressure. I like if anybody has interest in what I have to say, especially if they’re younger. If they like me, respect me, I’m honoured and I’ll give them my opinion.” – Robert De Niro

21. “I am also not one for regrets. I don’t regret any film I’ve made, because there was a reason for making it at the time. If it hasn’t worked out, then don’t spend time worrying about why and how. Just move on to the next project.” – Robert De Niro

22. “Being able to battle it out. No matter how you do it, you gotta hold your ground at times. Other times you’ve got to compromise. But never a compromise that you can’t live with.” – Robert De Niro

23. “If it’s the right chair, it doesn’t take too long to get comfortable in it.” – Robert De Niro

24. “Rejection might sting, but my feeling is that often, it has very little to do with you.” – Robert De Niro

25. “You’re not responsible for the entire job, but your part in it… You will put your everything into everything you do.” – Robert De Niro

 

Summary

Thanks for checking out this collection of quotes from Robert De Niro!

Which are your favorite Robert De Niro quotes? Leave a comment below.

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Athlete Quotes

25 Motivational Stephen Curry Quotes About Success

The Best Stephen Curry Quotes

Stephen Curry is a professional NBA player, currently playing as Point Guard for the Golden State Warriors. He’s considered to be one of the best shooters in NBA history.

Curry won the MVP (Most Valuable Player) award in 2015, and has won a number of other awards proving how successful he’s becoming at his sport.

If you’re a fan of motivational videos, do a quick search in YouTube for Stephen Curry motivation”, and you’ll see some awesome stuff.

This article is dedicated to the most motivational Stephen Curry quotes on basketball and success:

 

25 Motivational Stephen Curry Quotes

1. “I’ve never been afraid of big moments. I get butterflies… I get nervous and anxious, but I think those are all good signs that I’m ready for the moment.” – Stephen Curry

2. “I want to practice to the point where it’s almost uncomfortable how fast you shoot, so that in the game things kind of slow down.” – Stephen Curry

3. “Make sure you live in the moment and work your butt off every single day, and I hope I inspire people all around the world to just be themselves. Be humble, and be grateful for all the blessings in your life.– Stephen Curry

4. “Being a superstar means you’ve reached your potential, and I don’t think I’ve reached my potential as a basketball player and as a leader yet.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 1

5. “Be the best version of yourself in anything that you do. You don’t have to live anybody else’s story.” – Stephen Curry

 

6. “We have to have the mentality that we have to work for everything we’re going to get.” – Stephen Curry

7. “Play like you’re in first. Train like you’re in second.” Stephen Curry

8. “If you take time to realize what your dream is and what you really want in life — no matter what it is, whether it’s sports or in other fields — you have to realize that there is always work to do, and you want to be the hardest working person in whatever you do, and you put yourself in a position to be successful. And you have to have a passion about what you do.” – Stephen Curry

 

9th of 25 Stephen Curry Quotes

Stephen Curry Quotes

9. “If you don’t fall, how are you going to know what getting up is like?” – Stephen Curry

 

10. “I do a little sign on the court every time I make a shot or a good pass and i pound my chest and point to the sky – it symbolizes that I have a heart for God. It’s something that my mom and I came up with in college and I do it every time i step on the floor as a reminder of who I’m playing for.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 2

11. “I’m not the guy who’s afraid of failure. I like to take risks, take the big shot and all that.” – Stephen Curry

 

12. “Success is not an accident, success is actually a choice.” – Stephen Curry

13. “Success comes after you conquer your biggest obstacles and hurdles.” – Stephen Curry

 

14th of 25 Stephen Curry Quotes

14. “There’s more to me than just this jersey I wear.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 3

15. “I’d rather be a non-All-Star playing in the Western Conference finals than an All-Star who’s sitting at home in May.” – Stephen Curry

 

16. “I can do all things.” – Stephen Curry

17. “Every time I rise up, I have confidence that I’m going to make it.” – Stephen Curry

18. “I can get better. I haven’t reached my ceiling yet on how well I can shoot the basketball.” – Stephen Curry

19. “I can’t say enough, how important my faith is to how I play the game and who I am.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 4

20. “I really cherish everything that basketball brings; and I think, for me, it’s been a great ride and I’m not done yet…” – Stephen Curry

 

21. “Success is born out of faith, an undying passion, and a relentless drive.” – Stephen Curry

22. “Each game is an opportunity to be on a great stage and be a witness for Christ. When I step on the floor, people should know who I represent, who I believe in.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 5

23. “Basketball was mine, and that’s what’s carried me to this point.” – Stephen Curry

 

24. “The more years I go, the more experience I have, the more that nutrition and eating the right foods is important for recovery and things like that.” – Stephen Curry

25. “It’s all about winning. Stats really don’t matter, I mean, guys have great series and all that, and people take notice and take their place in history with those stats and all that stuff. But at the end of the day, it’s all about winning and what you can do to help your team get to that point.” – Stephen Curry

 

Summary

As always, I hope you love the quotes we’re publishing here guys, and let us know if there’s any other NBA player quotes you want us to publish on Wealthy Gorilla.

Which are your favorite Stephen Curry quotes? Leave a comment below.

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