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40 Hilariously Funny Jay Leno Quotes

Emmy Wallin

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The Best Jay Leno Quotes

Jay Leno has changed many people’s lives through his funny speeches. There are a huge collection of funny Jay Leno quotes. Every quote is worth to be remembered.

Therefore I’ve gathered a list of 40 hilarious quotes of Jay Leno, that hopefully will make you laugh.

As always remember to share these with all of your friends and family and other Jay Leno fans.

 

40 Hilariously Funny Jay Leno Quotes

1. “According to this week’s Time magazine, President George Bush is a serious fitness buff. He works out 60 to 90 minutes a day with weights. Apparently, he likes working out because it ‘clears his mind.’ Sometimes it works a little too well.” – Jay Leno

2. “He seemed a little scripted in his speech.” – Jay Leno

3. “Scientists in Australia are working on making biodegradable car parts out of hemp. This might get confusing. When someone says, roll up the window, they might mean, roll up the window!” – Jay Leno

4. “Kerry’s said all these foreign leaders said they want him to win, but Kerry hasn’t even been out of the country in a year and a half, which means the only possible foreign leader he could have met with is Arnold Schwarzenegger.” – Jay Leno

5. “I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good? Maybe you’re not the best, so you should work a little harder.” – Jay Leno

6. “A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He’s a law student, so he probably doesn’t need it, but still, that’s not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, ‘Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine.” – Jay Leno

7. “You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh – it’s as simple as that.” – Jay Leno

8. “I believe this is the first time in the history of the race where the pace car has more horsepower than the actual race car. So theoretically, I could blow them into the weeds.” – Jay Leno

9. “The New England Journal of Medicine reports that nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.” – Jay Leno

 

10th of 40 Jay Leno Quotes

10. “Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren’t bad people; they’re just acquaintances.” – Jay Leno

 

11. “Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic, isn’t it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn’t do coke goes to Columbia.” – Jay Leno

 

Jay Leno Picture Quotes 2

12. “Marriage is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.” – Jay Leno

 

13. “Scientists are complaining that the new Dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn’t evolve for another million years. They’re afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?” – Jay Leno

14. “President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can’t even get this in Florida.” – Jay Leno

15. “In his big victory speech last night, Senator Kerry said that he wanted to defeat George Bush and the ‘economy of privilege.’ Then he hugged his wife, Teresa, heir to the multi-million dollar Heinz food fortune.” – Jay Leno

16. “In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administration. I agree. Sure, it may take another five years, but this is it.” – Jay Leno

17. “President Bush said for security reasons, he’s sworn off all e-mail communication. He will not be using email at the White House at all. Is that a good idea? I mean, it’s not like that speaking thing was working out so good.” – Jay Leno

18. “More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy – he’s one of their own.” – Jay Leno

19. “A week later, President Bush said his administration’s response to Katrina was unacceptable. Then he said ‘Hey, don’t blame me, I was on vacation.’ … The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.” – Jay Leno

 

20th of 40 Jay Leno Quotes

20. “Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that’s why they never hit any home runs. It’s a safety issue.” – Jay Leno

 

21. “CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she’s strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.” – Jay Leno

 

Jay Leno Picture Quotes 3

22. “If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.” – Jay Leno

 

23.”Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.” – Jay Leno

 

Jay Leno Picture Quotes 1

24. “I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you’re not the best, so you should work a little harder.” – Jay Leno

 

Jay Leno Picture Quotes 4

25.”The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.” – Jay Leno

 

26. “I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, “I’d like some fries.” The girl at the counter said, “Would you like some fries with that?” – Jay Leno

27. “Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.” – Jay Leno

28. “Nineteen percent of doctors say that they’d be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.” – Jay Leno

29.”Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.” – Jay Leno

 

30th of 40 Jay Leno Quotes

30. “For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza!” – Jay Leno

 

Jay Leno Picture Quotes 5

31. “Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!” – Jay Leno

 

32. “”Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good ‘old days when only qualified people ran for offices like actors and professional wrestlers.” – Jay Leno

33.”You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.” – Jay Leno

34. “The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.” – Jay Leno

35. “Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they’re getting back together. You know what that means? There’s still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.” Jay Leno

36. “If you don’t want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.” – Jay Leno

37. “You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.” – Jay Leno

38. “The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don’t want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets.” – Jay Leno

39.”The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they’re all lining up.” – Jay Leno

 

40th of 40 Jay Leno Quotes

40. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” – Jay Leno

 

Summary

Thanks for checking out the list of Jay Leno’s quotes, and I hope you’re filled with motivation and inspiration. Be sure to share this article with your friends and family using the share bar below the video.

Which are your favorite Jay Leno quotes? Leave a comment below.

Emmy Wallin is a writer for Wealthy Gorilla. She is a young Swedish girl from Uppsala, who is currently traveling around the world. Emmy has a big passion for helping others and motivating people. Emmy has been studying celebrities careers, biographies, lifestyles, and net worths for over 3 years. She is the face behind the net worth profiles here on Wealthy Gorilla.

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Athlete Quotes

43 Motivational Peyton Manning Quotes

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The Best Peyton Manning Quotes

Peyton Manning, now 40 years old, was a professional American football player. He played as a star quarterback in the NFL for 18 seasons.

He is considered to have been one of the best quarterbacks of all time, originally playing for the Indianapolis Colts, and finishing the last four season of his career playing for the Denver Broncos.

Check out our collection of the most motivational Peyton Manning quotes:

 

43 Motivational Peyton Manning Quotes

1. “I have to leave the games now if the announcer says something I don’t agree with. I’m thinking, ‘Peyton, it is not healthy to be all worked up before a game.'” – Peyton Manning

2. “Anyone who waits for someone else to make a change automatically becomes a follower.” – Peyton Manning

3. “Everybody is going to be excited to play in a Super Bowl. When you still enjoy the preparation and the work part of it, I think you ought to be still doing that. I think as soon as I stop enjoying it, if I can’t produce, if I can’t help a team, that’s when I will stop playing.” Peyton Manning

4. “I have to leave the games now if the announcer says something I don’t agree with. I’m thinking, ‘Peyton, it is not healthy to be all worked up before a game.’” – Peyton Manning

5. “I want to be out there every single snap, every single play.” – Peyton Manning

6. “I’m not 23 anymore. But the defensive ends and linebackers chasing me are. If I had to chose between youth and experience, I’d take experience every time.” – Peyton Manning

7. “I’m very humbled and I’m very honored. I certainly think about how grateful I am for all the teammates and coached that I’ve played with and played for throughout my career.” – Peyton Manning

8. “I’ve never left the field saying, ‘I could’ve done more to get ready,’ and that gives me peace of mind.” – Peyton Manning

9. “Imitation is obviously a great form of flattery.” – Peyton Manning

10. “It’s not wanting to win that makes you a winner; it’s refusing to fail.” – Peyton Manning

11. “My dad was a class person on and off the field. That’s the person I want to be.” – Peyton Manning

 

12th of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

Peyton Manning Picture Quote 1

12. “Pressure is something you feel when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.” – Peyton Manning

13. “Some people have this impression of me: ‘Boy, he’s always so serious on the field. Football. Football. Football.’” – Peyton Manning

14. “When you go through a significant injury and have a major career change, you truly do go one year at a time, and you don’t look past what’s going on now, because you are not sure what’s going to happen. Tomorrow is not promised.” – Peyton Manning

15. “You’ve got to remember what your priorities are. When you’re playing, what you do on the field is the most important thing.“ – Peyton Manning

16. “My high-school coach Tony Reginelli was kind of famous for ‘Reggie-isms,’ kind of like ‘Yogi-isms.’ He always said if you want to be a good quarterback, when sprinting left you want to be amphibious and throw left-handed. I told him, ‘You mean ambidextrous, coach?'” – Peyton Manning

17. “Being there every week for my teammates is really important to me. It’s all about accountability. I hear stuff about the ‘toughest quarterback in the league’ and all that; what’s that mean?” – Peyton Manning

18. “I don’t want to retire. I still want to play.” – Peyton Manning

19. “I pray every night, sometimes long prayers about a lot of things and a lot of people, but I don’t talk about it or brag about it because that’s between God and me, and I’m no better than anybody else in God’s sight.” – Peyton Manning

20. “I was never on a mission to be an NFL quarterback. I wanted to be a good high school player, and I worked hard at that. That made me good enough to play in college and then I wanted to be a good college quarterback. During college I played well enough to make it into the NFL. I never took it for granted and really wanted to play hard at each level and I have always had a lot of fun doing what I wanted to do.” – Peyton Manning

21. “I’m proud to be Archie’s son. Being a quarterback, I had my mentor and hero living in the same house.” – Peyton Manning

22. “I’ve been a Colt for almost all of my adult life, but I guess in life, and in sports, we all know nothing lasts forever. Times change, circumstances change, and that’s the reality of playing in the NFL.” – Peyton Manning

 

23rd of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

“If nothing else in life, I want to be true to the things I believe in, and quite simply, to what I’m all about. I know I’d better, because it seems whenever I take a false step or two I feel the consequences.” – Peyton Manning

 

24. “It goes without saying, winning against a good team in a hostile crowd on the road, it’s just an absolutely huge win.” – Peyton Manning

25. “Life is about choices. You ask the questions and you listen to the answers. Then you listen to your heart.” – Peyton Manning

26. “My faith doesn’t make me perfect, it makes me forgiven.” – Peyton Manning

27. “Remind your critics when they say you don’t have the expertise or experience to do something that an amateur built the ark and the experts built the titanic.” – Peyton Manning

 

28th of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

Peyton Manning Picture Quote 2

28. “We’ve been working a long time for this and we want to accomplish our ultimate goal. We know what it takes.” – Peyton Manning

29. “When you take a year off from football, you come back for all the enjoyable moments. When you’re not playing, you miss out on all the highs, but you also miss these disappointments. But I would rather be in the arena to be excited or be disappointed than not have a chance at all. That’s football. That’s why everybody plays it.” – Peyton Manning

30. “The head coach tells us what to do, and we follow his orders.” – Peyton Manning

31. “Boy, do I hate to lose.” – Peyton Manning

32. “I guess, to tell you the truth, I’ve never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I’ve managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache.” – Peyton Manning

33. “I think I could describe the perfect quarterback. Take a little piece of everybody. Take John Elway’s arm, Dan Marino’s release, maybe Troy Aikman’s drop-back, Brett Favre’s scrambling ability, Joe Montana’s two-minute poise and, naturally, my speed.” – Peyton Manning

34. “I would like to think I will be a guy who knows when it’s time to stop. I don’t want to be a guy who hung on and on. I do not have a goal in mind of a year or a statistic.” – Peyton Manning

35. “I’m the best manning.” – Peyton Manning

36. “I’ve been being asked about my legacy since I was about 25 years old. I’m not sure you can have a legacy when you’re 25 years old. Even 37. I’d like to have to be, like, 70 to have a legacy. I’m not even 100 percent sure what the word even means.” – Peyton Manning

37. “If you work hard and you play well, all those critics quiet themselves pretty quickly.” – Peyton Manning

 

38th of 43 Peyton Manning Quotes

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it.” – Peyton Manning

 

39. “My dad told us up front, ‘Guys, if you want to play sports, go ahead, but it’s your decision.’” – Peyton Manning

40. “My job is to play well offensively and help my team score points. So I feel very responsible every time we lose a game.” – Peyton Manning

41. “Some guys leave a place after a long time, and they’re bitter. Not me.” – Peyton Manning

42. “When people are watching you, it makes you think twice about what you do, and the things you say, and the people you hang around with.” – Peyton Manning

43. “You hear about how many fourth quarter comebacks that a guy has and I think it means a guy screwed up in the first three quarters.” – Peyton Manning

 

Peyton Manning Motivational Video

Check out our other NFL quotes on Tom Brady and Marshawn Lynch!

Which are your favourite Peyton Manning quotes? Leave a comment below.

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Actor Quotes

25 Inspirational Robert De Niro Quotes

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The Best Robert De Niro Quotes

Robert De Niro is an American/Italian actor and producer;

At 73 years old, he’s had an incredibly successful career, and starred in a ridiculous number of films. Far too many to list, but here’s a few of the highlights:

  • The Godfather Part II
  • Silver Linings
  • Analyze This
  • The Intern
  • Casino
  • Meet the Fockers
  • Goodfellas
  • Grudge Match

We’ve put together this small, yet inspirational collection of the best Robert De Niro quotes:

 

25 Inspirational Robert De Niro Quotes

1. “You learned the two greatest thing in life, never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut.” – Robert De Niro

2. “The talent is in the choices.” – Robert De Niro

3. “One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people’s lives without having to pay the price.” – Robert De Niro

4. “You’ll have time to rest when you’re dead.” – Robert De Niro

5. “I love to find new people. It’s not for the sake of their being new; it’s because if you find someone who perfectly fits a part, that’s such a great thing.” – Robert De Niro

6. “It’s important not to indicate. People don’t try to show their feelings, they try to hide them.” – Robert De Niro

7. “Time goes on. So whatever you’re going to do, do it. Do it now. Don’t wait.” – Robert De Niro

8. “Money makes your life easier. If you’re lucky to have it, you’re lucky.” – Robert De Niro

9. “The hardest thing about being famous is that people are always nice to you.” – Robert De Niro

 

10th of 25 Robert De Niro Quotes

“There’s nothing more ironic or contradictory than life itself.” – Robert De Niro

 

11. “I didn’t have a problem with rejection, because when you go into an audition, you’re rejected already. There are hundreds of other actors. You’re behind the eight ball when you go in there.” – Robert De Niro

12. “In acting, I always try to go back to what would actually be the real situation, the real human behavior in life.” – Robert De Niro

13. “I think it’s important to have had at least a few years of obscurity, where people treat you like everybody else.” – Robert De Niro

14. “I don’t like to watch my own movies – I fall asleep in my own movies.” – Robert De Niro

15. “I don’t get into these long-winded heavy discussions about character – do we do this or that or what. At the end of the day, what you gotta do is just go out there and do it.” – Robert De Niro

16. “With ‘Silver Linings,’ I didn’t feel – I was thinking of certain things, but I just said, ‘Let me go with it.’ You have to know what you’re doing, where you’re going with the scenes, and I put a lot of work into that. But when you’re out there, at the same time you gotta be ready for anything.” – Robert De Niro

 

17th of 25 Robert De Niro Quotes

17. “Don’t be afraid to do what your instincts tell you.” – Robert De Niro

 

18. “You discovered a talent, developed an ambition and recognized your passion. When you feel that, you can’t fight it — you just go with it.” – Robert De Niro

19. “Life rarely changes you totally but it consistently changes you in details.” – Robert De Niro

20. “I don’t feel pressure. I like if anybody has interest in what I have to say, especially if they’re younger. If they like me, respect me, I’m honoured and I’ll give them my opinion.” – Robert De Niro

21. “I am also not one for regrets. I don’t regret any film I’ve made, because there was a reason for making it at the time. If it hasn’t worked out, then don’t spend time worrying about why and how. Just move on to the next project.” – Robert De Niro

22. “Being able to battle it out. No matter how you do it, you gotta hold your ground at times. Other times you’ve got to compromise. But never a compromise that you can’t live with.” – Robert De Niro

23. “If it’s the right chair, it doesn’t take too long to get comfortable in it.” – Robert De Niro

24. “Rejection might sting, but my feeling is that often, it has very little to do with you.” – Robert De Niro

25. “You’re not responsible for the entire job, but your part in it… You will put your everything into everything you do.” – Robert De Niro

 

Summary

Thanks for checking out this collection of quotes from Robert De Niro!

Which are your favorite Robert De Niro quotes? Leave a comment below.

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Athlete Quotes

25 Motivational Stephen Curry Quotes About Success

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The Best Stephen Curry Quotes

Stephen Curry is a professional NBA player, currently playing as Point Guard for the Golden State Warriors. He’s considered to be one of the best shooters in NBA history.

Curry won the MVP (Most Valuable Player) award in 2015, and has won a number of other awards proving how successful he’s becoming at his sport.

If you’re a fan of motivational videos, do a quick search in YouTube for Stephen Curry motivation”, and you’ll see some awesome stuff.

This article is dedicated to the most motivational Stephen Curry quotes on basketball and success:

 

25 Motivational Stephen Curry Quotes

1. “I’ve never been afraid of big moments. I get butterflies… I get nervous and anxious, but I think those are all good signs that I’m ready for the moment.” – Stephen Curry

2. “I want to practice to the point where it’s almost uncomfortable how fast you shoot, so that in the game things kind of slow down.” – Stephen Curry

3. “Make sure you live in the moment and work your butt off every single day, and I hope I inspire people all around the world to just be themselves. Be humble, and be grateful for all the blessings in your life.– Stephen Curry

4. “Being a superstar means you’ve reached your potential, and I don’t think I’ve reached my potential as a basketball player and as a leader yet.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 1

5. “Be the best version of yourself in anything that you do. You don’t have to live anybody else’s story.” – Stephen Curry

 

6. “We have to have the mentality that we have to work for everything we’re going to get.” – Stephen Curry

7. “Play like you’re in first. Train like you’re in second.” Stephen Curry

8. “If you take time to realize what your dream is and what you really want in life — no matter what it is, whether it’s sports or in other fields — you have to realize that there is always work to do, and you want to be the hardest working person in whatever you do, and you put yourself in a position to be successful. And you have to have a passion about what you do.” – Stephen Curry

 

9th of 25 Stephen Curry Quotes

Stephen Curry Quotes

9. “If you don’t fall, how are you going to know what getting up is like?” – Stephen Curry

 

10. “I do a little sign on the court every time I make a shot or a good pass and i pound my chest and point to the sky – it symbolizes that I have a heart for God. It’s something that my mom and I came up with in college and I do it every time i step on the floor as a reminder of who I’m playing for.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 2

11. “I’m not the guy who’s afraid of failure. I like to take risks, take the big shot and all that.” – Stephen Curry

 

12. “Success is not an accident, success is actually a choice.” – Stephen Curry

13. “Success comes after you conquer your biggest obstacles and hurdles.” – Stephen Curry

 

14th of 25 Stephen Curry Quotes

14. “There’s more to me than just this jersey I wear.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 3

15. “I’d rather be a non-All-Star playing in the Western Conference finals than an All-Star who’s sitting at home in May.” – Stephen Curry

 

16. “I can do all things.” – Stephen Curry

17. “Every time I rise up, I have confidence that I’m going to make it.” – Stephen Curry

18. “I can get better. I haven’t reached my ceiling yet on how well I can shoot the basketball.” – Stephen Curry

19. “I can’t say enough, how important my faith is to how I play the game and who I am.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 4

20. “I really cherish everything that basketball brings; and I think, for me, it’s been a great ride and I’m not done yet…” – Stephen Curry

 

21. “Success is born out of faith, an undying passion, and a relentless drive.” – Stephen Curry

22. “Each game is an opportunity to be on a great stage and be a witness for Christ. When I step on the floor, people should know who I represent, who I believe in.” – Stephen Curry

 

Stephen Curry Picture Quotes 5

23. “Basketball was mine, and that’s what’s carried me to this point.” – Stephen Curry

 

24. “The more years I go, the more experience I have, the more that nutrition and eating the right foods is important for recovery and things like that.” – Stephen Curry

25. “It’s all about winning. Stats really don’t matter, I mean, guys have great series and all that, and people take notice and take their place in history with those stats and all that stuff. But at the end of the day, it’s all about winning and what you can do to help your team get to that point.” – Stephen Curry

 

Summary

As always, I hope you love the quotes we’re publishing here guys, and let us know if there’s any other NBA player quotes you want us to publish on Wealthy Gorilla.

Which are your favorite Stephen Curry quotes? Leave a comment below.

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